an indecorous alphabet


B is for Bed Bugs

- Sleep tight. Mind the bed bug's bite.

- You have no idea how unfunny that becomes.

- I didn't think they really existed. Except in FHM "Urgh! Bugs!" features.

- Neither did I. Until they set up home in my bed frame.

- Have you killed them all?

- Most of them. I went through two cans of Raid. I still get the odd one - I suspect there are some eggs still somewhere. Either that or they're in the mattress. I just keep squishing them when I find them.

- Do they squish?

- If they've been feeding, then yes. I keep wanting to yell "That's my blood, you parasitic little bastards!"

- Does it hurt? I mean, can you feel them biting you?

- I can't. The bites are supposed to itch, but I've not noticed it. If I had, I supposed I'd have clobbered them sooner.

- Where did they come from?

- I think they've been in the bed frame for a while. It's just in the last month - when it's been hot - that they seem to have multiplied.

- Something moved! There, on the sheet!

- Got it. There you are: a bed bug.

- Urgh. That's nasty.

- Yes. I'm aware of that.


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A is for
   Allinsons
   Angus Steak House
   Aquavit

B is for
   Bed Bugs
   Boots
   Bounty

C is for
   Catharsis
   Chilli
   Corkscrew
   Cornerstone
   Coronation Chicken
   Crack
   Creme Egg

D is for
   Dax
   Ducks

E is for
   Earthquake
   Exact change only

F is for
   Fat free
   Fireball
   Fridays

G is for
   Goodnight
   Google
   Grinch

H is for
   Hula Hoops

I is for
   Immigration
   Indecorous.com
   Invisible Brake Pedal

J is for
   Johnny English

K is for
   Kanji

L is for
   Landlord
   Lard
   Light bulb
   Lights
   Lightwell

M is for
   MP3
   Memento

N is for
   Neutradol
   Notes
   Number 70

P is for
   Paramount
   Pink
   Polaroid
   Pseudoephedrine

Q is for
   Q

R is for
   Raisins
   Razor
   Redundant
   Remote control
   Ring tone
   Rocket motor

S is for
   SFCave
   Sale
   Sara
   Scaffolding
   Seatbelt sign
   Sierra
   Small dogs
   Snorkel
   Spicy chicken pasta
   Stitches
   String

T is for
   Toilet
   Tourists
   Turbulence

U is for
   Urinal

V is for
   Vending machine

W is for
   Walk
   Whip

X is for
   Xero

Y is for
   Yeah, baby